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June 30, 2021 — Allen Weisselberg surrendered to police today at Mar A Lago, confessing to strangling trumpie with an extra long red Chinese silk tie. ‘I have watched that fat cheapskate loser bastard asshole throw good people under the bus for 45 years, and I was not going to let him run that shit on my family. I should get a gold medal.’ Don McGahan, Weisselberg’s attorney of record, said that this statement should not be taken out of context, and that, ‘Mr. Weisselberg still has a shitload of information to share with various grand juries, so his bargaining position is very strong.’ The trump family asks that, in lieu of flowers, donations be sent to their legal defense fund at SaveOurAsses.org. They pledge to devote a full 0.05% of net receipts to actual legal expenses. Hearing this, everyone in the newsroom laughed so hard that boogers flew out of their noses. That’s funny!
Voice for Reason 